i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
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I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
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You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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