bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
