theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
