We won't sleep together?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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