Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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