I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
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was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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