when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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