So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
