I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
