Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
