just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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