He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Is it because I queefed?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
