Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
