if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
