I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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