i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
