I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
