whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
