So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
