I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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