I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She's the barista slut.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
