so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
