My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
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I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
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No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.