You can't motorboat a personality
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
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I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
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Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
How many fucks given?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch