The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.