your parents love me but you hate me
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????