Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..