i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.