Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.