Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.