No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
