Banned from zoo.
Again?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
