I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
