I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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