New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
