Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
being pregnant is like rehab
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
