Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
