Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
