the condom got lost in my hair
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize