we're chasing vodka with high fives
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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