dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
