shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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