Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
