she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
