The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Enjoy the penises
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize