R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
