i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
