the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
