I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
