My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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