I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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