She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
