well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
