Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
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The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
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Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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