Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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