u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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