So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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