saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
