Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
