I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
