Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
