Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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