you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
