I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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