So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
